Toxic Relationships : 7 Shocking Truths About Why Narcissists Can't Love Their Kids💔

"Can Narcissistic Parents Truly Love Their Kids? The Truth Behind the Mask"

Are narcissistic parents capable of genuine love, or is their affection just a carefully crafted façade? Join me, Dr. Amen Kaur, as I expose the emotional disconnection hidden beneath the surface. In this episode, we’ll unpack the 7 reasons why narcissistic parents often fall short in offering unconditional love and how their behavior leaves lasting scars on teens and young adults.

From public displays of affection that contrast sharply with private coldness to struggles triggered by their children's independence, we’ll explore how these dynamics create anxiety, depression, and perfectionism. Understand the impact of conditional love on a child’s self-expression and emotional well-being—and why narcissistic parents constantly crave validation.

But it’s not just about understanding the problem. This episode highlights the healing power of sharing stories to foster growth, interrupt toxic cycles, and build resilience. Together, we’ll uncover practical strategies to break free, nurture self-worth, and pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Don’t miss this chance to gain eye-opening insights, connect with a supportive community, and take the first step toward reclaiming your emotional freedom. Please look in the Resources section below:

Chapters

• 0:00 Dysfunctional Dynamics of Narcissistic Parents
• 16:22 Spreading Testimonials for Healing and Growth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey friends and welcome back to this podcast, the Toxic Relationship Detox, and today we're diving into something that has impacted countless lives, including my own. If you've ever wondered does the narcissistic parent truly love their children, this is for you. Not only will you uncover the seven reasons why narcissists don't love their children, and I can prove it to you, but I will also explain how it affects the nervous system, especially for teens and young adults. Stick around. At the end is I'm going to share a game changer. First step to help you heal and break the cycle. Trust me is something I wish I had known years ago. My name is Dr Eamon Corr me is something I wish I had known years ago. My name is Dr Eamon Call. Okay, so what's the first reason that I can prove to you? They do not love their children.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Narcissistic parents often do appear to be really, really affectionate in public, but behind closed doors their behavior can be so cold and disconnected. So why is it that they can change and shift? Why do they even do this? The reason for that is they want to maintain their image. They don't want to nurture the child. It's interesting how they know to change their behavior when the public is over. So we can see that this inconsistency must mean that they know the difference between what is loving and what isn't loving, and they know that their behaviour isn't loving, hence why they're changing their behaviour when someone comes over. But how does this impact the teens? Inconsistency creates disorientation.

Speaker 1: 1:44

This whole Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde dynamic only leaves the teen questioning their own reality and they learn to mistrust their own instincts. What they're doing is they're thinking ah well, they're actually really nice to everybody else, but they're not nice to me, so that must mean that there's something wrong with me. That is the only conclusion a child will come to, and it doesn't matter what age it is. That's what they're going to be thinking. So their nervous system becomes stuck in a survival mode in inherently thinking there is something wrong with me because my own parent doesn't love me. But yet they can be nice to other people, and a lot of the time the narcissistic parent is absolutely lovely to every other child that comes round, but actually it's not their own child that they're giving the love and affection and consideration to, and sometimes a child craves for what they're seeing that parent do to other children, as in be kind, look them in the eye, ask them how they are. Just basic stuff. But they're not doing that with them. So the nervous system gets stuck in survival mode, which also means that the emotional regulation is a constant battle for them. What that means in everyday life is they get stuck in fight, flight or, even worse still, they get stuck in shutdown mode where they're just down, depressed, don't do much. Maybe they're procrastinating or they've got a lack of energy.

Speaker 1: 3:19

So the second reason why they don't love their children we can see that is that narcissists often are fine with the children when they're a certain age. They're fine with them at toddlers, where they're still dependent, silent and compliant, and they can scare them into being who they want the perfect supply. But as the children grow up and they start to assert independence, which is natural and normal, you know, teenage years is all about exploring and trying to find out who am I and working out, learning, learning how to be in relationships. But the narcissistic parent may withdraw affection and lash out because the teen feels like they might feel that they can't control them, basically because they're trying to learn and they're not interested in doing what the parent's doing, just like normal teenagers. So the teenager might start to feel like I'm too much, I'm unworthy of love, and that starts to rewire their belief system and their nervous system to associate independence with rejection. This is important because this is something that people find hard to break later on in life, where they're trying to be themselves, they're trying to even know who they are and there's a fear of being themselves. There's a fear of actually knowing who they are and being themselves. It is intense where they can't actually fulfill their goals, their successes, their dreams are all down to knowing and being themselves, ultimately being scared of being yourself, of being successful because you're fearful of being rejected, of being yourself, of being successful because you're fearful of being rejected. That actually hinders us in life of actually fulfilling our joy and bringing happiness into our lives. So that's something that takes time to rewire and work through and release all the trauma associated with it.

Speaker 1: 5:20

Reason number three they want to control rather than see how the child is growing up as themselves. As kids grow older, the narcissistic parent becomes even more conditional. Their affection becomes even more so around control, because it's not about celebrating the child's growth and seeing them grow into who they want to be, who they want to express as themselves. It's not about celebrating the child's growth and seeing them grow into who they want to be, who they want to express as themselves. It's more about how can they control their child even more so, and it stifles the teen's ability to be able to make independent decisions. They start to get into this whole helpless, hopeless feeling, feeling powerless to be themselves, and the nervous system learns to suppress self-expression and leads them to this whole chronic sense of self-doubt where they just are hypervigilant for validation. They're constantly looking for validation, and that is hard work. Number four it's all conditional love and performance pressure.

Speaker 1: 6:34

Narcissists love conditionally. They celebrate the children's achievements only if it reflects well on them, to performance and as they grow up, this can lead to anxiety, depression, burnout, emotional dysregulation or they become a perfectionist. At the end of the day, a perfectionist is based around fear, a fear of being rejected if you're not good enough. Perfectionism and being your best self they're two very different aspects. Perfectionism is driven by fear, fear of what other people think. Being your best version of yourself is driven by creativity. It's about exploration, curiosity, trying to explore and expand and go beyond what is currently, so that there's growth. So they're very different aspects currently, so that there's growth. So they're very different aspects. So, being around a narcissistic parent, there's always going to be a battle. If you've grown up in that way where you feel like you know you want to do something to really express yourself and expand and grow and be your creative self, but unfortunately you've got this feeling of I'm scared of being myself. I need to hone in being me because I might be rejected and I have to be this perfect person so you don't give yourself that freedom to truly be yourself.

Speaker 1: 8:08

Reason number five narcissistic parents often use their children as leverage to win arguments, punish co-parents I mean, we see this all the time in parents that are separated from their toxic co-parent or they use it to gain empathy or sympathy, even like money. They will use the children and pretend that they're having the children 50-50, for instance, to get money out of their family, but they don't actually pay for the children's childcare. They don't actually take care of the children. Imagine being a teen forced into the role of a therapist or a mediator. Wherever there's a toxic parent, there's an element of parentification. It really isn't fair and it's devastating for the developing nervous system where this teen or this child is actually having to take care of the parent, because narcissists are the best when it comes to being the victim they're abusing, but when they can't actually get away with their abuse, they feel victimized by the fact that they can't do it. It isn't fair for the child, it's definitely not fair for the developing nervous system or the way the brain works and the trauma and that's the time where their brain is still developing and their nervous system is developing.

Speaker 1: 9:31

Every child deserves and craves safety and stability. It's something that's so basic. But every child it's like their divine right to feel safe. That's the one thing that a parent should be able to give them. But instead the child is having to create safety and stability for the narcissistic parent so that they won't lash out and be the narcissistic, toxic individual that they are, so that they can regulate. But the problem is what the child doesn't understand is the narcissist can't co-regulate. That's one of the reasons why it's so hard to actually help or be able to. It's impossible because they can't co-regulate.

Speaker 1: 10:23

Reason number six they pretend they have the perfect family illusion. Oh my gosh, I do wonder sometimes, if you were to go onto social media, how many narcissistic family pictures would look so incredible to the outside world Narcissistic parents are so good at creating that perfect family image, which often means that they're pressurizing their children to achieve or conform or wear certain clothes or be a certain way, even at the cost of mental health. They don't acknowledge the child's mental health, by the way. They don't acknowledge that the child has any needs for mental health. As far as they're concerned, it's all about them and their mental health and the impact it has on them.

Speaker 1: 11:12

If you're a child and you're trapped in this dynamic, you may lose sight of your true self. It's understandable that you won't know who you are. You've never explored it, especially at a time where you were meant to explore it, because you're conditioned to prioritise how you look over being yourself. That's really confusing as growing up because you're told over and over again, being you is not important, but pretending to be this person is important. Reason number seven there's always favoritism and sibling rivalry. Where narcissistic play favorites, they create golden children and scapegoats. It only drives a wedge between siblings. They know that if there is a toxic parent, there's always going to be issues between siblings, because the toxic parent creates issues between the siblings. They reinforce toxic cycles of comparison and competition. That's where perfection is and fear it's all the driver. Everything is driven by fear, comparison, competition.

Speaker 1: 12:37

What will other people think of me Comparing myself to another person? It might not be in a negative way, but there is an element of where they set that up. It's always there. Oh, I'm sure they think like this. It's in the parents need for control. It's really not about the child at all.

Speaker 1: 12:52

So if you've grown up in this kind of environment, know that it wasn't about you. It's not you, and if you need to, you could see that all of this is programming and that you can heal this. And actually just knowing that it's not you is the first step to healing. Sometimes people don't heal because they think there is something fundamentally wrong with them. It's so deep that they never actually heal because they think it's not possible to heal. So what does this all mean? The truth is, if you grew up in this environment, your nervous system has been deeply impacted. You might find that you're more tired than other people. It takes a lot more energy to do stuff. It's really not your fault, but it is something you can heal.

Speaker 1: 13:40

And the good news is, if you have a teen or you're worried as a parent, like I was, I have created a program called Unshakeable. It's a guide for young teens and young adults, sorry and teens to understand their patterns, rebuild trust in themselves, really connect with their own nervous system, regulate their nervous system so they step into confidence and emotional freedom. So if that is something that you think your child could benefit from, there is a early bird offer at the moment. So please do look into the description or the resources section and you'll see my link tree and in the link tree you'll see it's like the first button you can log on to and find out more information on that button you can log on to and find out more information on that.

Speaker 1: 14:30

If it was you that grew up in a toxic environment and you're looking to go a bit deeper you think you might have some trauma and you're not a teen or a young adult then you might want to book in a one-to-one with me and we can look at what is it that you need, what kind of therapy you need. I'm not going to be offering this for forever. So if it is something you want to do, please do book in and then see what kind of program or is it one-to-one sessions that you need so we can start healing. Let's make 2025 the year for you. You don't need to continue in this way.

Speaker 1: 15:03

So one actionable step that you can take today is take a moment to identify a situation where you ignored your instincts because of fear and doubt. Your nervous system is connected to your gut and your heart. If you knew instinctually, your gut instinct was telling you this isn't right, but you still went ahead and did it, I want you to write it down and reflect on what was it that you were thinking or what programming made you override your instinct, your gut instinct, what your nervous system was trying to tell you. And then, if you're ready to go deeper and you want to heal some of that, then find out more book in a session. Remember, healing is your birthright. Healing is you're not meant to stay like this forever. You're meant to heal and grow and evolve and work through this step by step.

Speaker 1: 15:57

I know you've got this. I know, if you're listening to this podcast, you've got this. And I also want to say a massive, massive, massive thank you to everyone that is messaging me at the moment. I get messages. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear from you. I really appreciate every single person that messages me and tells me this podcast is making a difference to you. It means so much.

Speaker 1: 16:22

If you can, please do a testimonial so more people can reach more people. Please share with other people as well. Let's reach and heal as many people as you can. Please do a testimonial so more people can reach more people. Please share with other people as well. Let's reach and heal as many people as you can and, if you're interested, if you've got any ideas how we can help more children not get into these type of relationships, let me know. We don't want more people going down this route and I think it's tougher for children these days because there's more toxic individuals out there. So we want to heal, we want to grow, we want to evolve and we want the best for everyone. So, look, I'm sending you so much love Till next time.