Toxic Relationships: 🔥 "Toxic People HATE When You Learn This—It Exposes Their Game"

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🔥 Are you being manipulated without even realizing it? In this eye-opening episode, Dr. Amen Kaur reveals the subtle tactics toxic people use to control you—and how to break free. Whether it’s gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail, understanding these red flags is your first step toward emotional freedom.

✅ Learn how narcissists and manipulators control your emotions
✅ Discover why trusting your gut is more powerful than seeking proof
✅ Uncover real-life examples of toxic workplace & relationship dynamics
✅ Master the #1 technique to expose manipulation and protect yourself

🚩 If you’ve ever felt drained, anxious, or confused in a relationship, this episode is a must-listen. We’ll teach you how to shift from reaction to observation, giving you the upper hand against toxic behavior.

💡 Ready to reclaim your power? Tune in now and start your journey toward self-awareness, healing, and setting unshakable boundaries. Don’t let manipulative people dictate your emotions—take control today.

👉  Share this episode, or rate this podcast and book a 1-on-1 trauma discovery session with Dr Amen Kaur to start healing today.

Chapters

• 0:00 Recognizing and Breaking Free From Manipulation
• 11:20 Recognizing and Healing From Manipulation
• 19:41 Embracing Self-Healing After Trauma

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi and welcome to the Toxic Relationship Detox. My name's Dr Eamon Core, and today we are going to create the space where we expose manipulation and we start to reclaim our self-worth. We take back control of our lives because, ultimately, what manipulation is is someone is controlling us. If you ever felt like someone's been pulling your strings, if you've been lied to, betrayed, gaslit or stuck in a toxic loop, you're not alone in this. There is so many people that are manipulated, and today we're going to be diving into how to break free from toxic control and start healing.

Speaker 1: 0:42

The truth isn't always the most important thing in toxic relationships, because it can be distorted. The most important thing that can't change is what you're feeling, and if you could really trust what you're feeling, it will really make a difference. By the end of this episode, you'll have a roadmap to recognizing manipulation. Of this episode, you'll have a roadmap to recognizing manipulation, how to reclaim your power, how to know if someone is manipulating you, and taking the first step towards healing. So let's start with a hard truth.

Speaker 1: 1:15

The truth of the matter is people do lie for no reason and people do manipulate, and we do have people who have toxic traits. So they might be narcissistic or they might have psychopathic tendencies. So why do people lie or why are people trying to manipulate us? Ultimately, it's to control. If I tell the truth, they're worried that they will have to face the consequences. But if they lie or if they manipulate, they can control how you react and that way they can control what you put up with and what you deal with, whether it's about the fact that they've cheated or they've lied and the fact that they've lost all the family finances, or whether it's a toxic boss who's trying to take credit for your work, or even a family member, if they're toxic, they want to control you as a parent. When someone manipulates you or lies to you, it's not about the words. It's about them trying to shape your behavior, what you do in response around them and to them.

Speaker 1: 2:34

And the biggest mistake we can make is that we think I need to have proof to know if that person's lying. And I'll be honest, we can get stuck in this loop where we're trying to find evidence for a very, very long time and even when you have the evidence, it doesn't actually stop them trying to manipulate you. But in reality, your biggest lie detector isn't the facts, because you don't have the capacity. We don't have detectives to investigate every single thing. Yes, evidence is key. Evidence is so important if you're going to court or if you're trying to explain what's actually happened. But most people aren't going to look at all the evidence, unless you're going to court. They might look at some of the evidence.

Speaker 1: 3:21

One of my clients told me that she knew her partner was cheating before she had any proof. She felt anxious, she felt disconnected, something was off. But when she confronted him, he flipped the script. You're crazy. You're being insecure. You don't trust me. You need to trust me.

Speaker 1: 3:40

If we don't trust each other, then there's no point in having this relic. I mean, it was just. If we don't trust each other, then there's no point in having this relic. I mean it was just awful and that is classic manipulation. He was gaslighting her and you know, if you've been in a toxic relationship, you have experienced gaslighting and it's so confusing. Literally you don't know what to believe anymore. So you tune out your own emotions against your better judgment and you start believing there's something wrong with you.

Speaker 1: 4:11

Instead, the thing here is, when someone is manipulating you, the biggest red flag isn't what they're saying. The most important thing you can look at is how you feel, because what is manipulation? In essence, manipulation is someone controlling how you feel. So if you feel constantly confused, guilty, anxious, and if your body is screaming at you something's wrong and you're feeling more and more anxiety, or shut down or you feel numb, you don't feel anything at all, then something is wrong. So let's really talk about how to regain control.

Speaker 1: 4:55

And the numbness is a big factor. By the way, if you've been in a toxic relationship, it's quite normal for you to get to a point where you have to numb your emotions because they're so overwhelming. If you feel your emotions, then you're going to be unsafe, or it feels like they're just too overwhelming. So there's a part of the brain that actually switches off how you feel. So you feel like you're just walking around, like a zombie. You don't feel alive anymore. You just feel tired, drained, exhausted, but you're going through the motions, but you're not feeling joy, happiness, excitement, alive.

Speaker 1: 5:40

The best way, then, to detect if you're in a situation where there is manipulation and here's a simple technique that really helps once you have done some of the trauma therapy, if you're someone that's gone through trauma therapy and you're able to feel yourself, and even if you haven't, this will be really helpful in just becoming aware of how you feel. What is the best way of knowing? What is the manipulation meter test, if you like, the way of being able to tell. Most of the time we're so emotionally in the moment and a lot of the time that's because our trauma is being triggered and our nervous system is going into flight flight or shutdown mode and we don't realize how we're being manipulated. So when we're being manipulated and we're in high emotions, the part of our brain that is cognitive, the cognitive thinking part of the brain, shuts down as well. So what we need to do is start practicing observing instead of reacting.

Speaker 1: 6:48

You need to ask yourself how is this person making me feel? That is the most important thing that you've got to get back to. So, say, if you've got a boss and you're worried, or your friend and you feel like I'm not sure why, but something's just a little bit off, start noticing when you're around this person, and this is the thing you notice how you're feeling before you meet the person and then you notice how does this person make me feel when you're with the person? Are they trying to make me doubt myself, feel guilty, feel like I'm not good enough. Are there like snide comments going on? Just start to notice how are you feeling. Just start to notice how are you feeling.

Speaker 1: 7:35

And the way to really know whether someone's manipulating you or not, or whether their emotions are real or not, is that they will change tactics. They will change how to manipulate you. If one way isn't working, they'll change tactics. So when someone's not authentically feeling something, they'll change tactics. So when someone's not authentically feeling something, they will change tactics. Because when you feel something, let's just step back. When you're being honest and you feel something, those emotions tend to last a while. You can't just switch in, switch out of emotions like that. Emotions are like a wave they come and they last and you have to ride the wave and then you come out of the wave. You can't just switch in and out to try and manipulate someone else. When someone's being manipulative, they will change emotions. They're not really feeling the emotion. They're using it on a cognitive level to elicit an emotion in you. Their agenda is totally different. They're not feeling it. They're actually using emotion to make you emotional so that you switch off the thinking part of the brain, give them a win and then pull it back.

Speaker 1: 8:49

Okay, liars or manipulators have a pattern. If you agree with them, they will calm down. If you push back, they will escalate. And that's what you want to look for. It's like if a manipulator or someone's lying or manipulating as soon as you tell them, or someone's lying or manipulating as soon as you tell them oh, I get it, oh, I know, you know what. You're probably right, I do trust you they will completely calm down. It's like, oh, I've won, it's okay, I can just stop. Now. Do they change the subject? What do they do?

Speaker 1: 9:27

And then you shift the energy again and you go, but I still don't know if I can trust this situation. And then you stop, you watch what happens and if they escalate and suddenly they're using a different tactic, they might start getting. They might have started off by saying I love you, I would never do that. That's not the kind of person I am, would never do that. That's not the kind of person I am, and I didn't really, I really didn't mean to do that.

Speaker 1: 9:54

If you say, yeah, I do, maybe I should trust you and say look, and they, they calm down, they relax and they change the subject as if nothing has happened, and this is something that you will find in toxic relationships. They can go on as if nothing's happened and you're still in that emotion and you're still recovering from what happened, say yesterday, and they've just moved on and they're pretending like nothing had happened. That's another way of knowing that. Oh, this is potentially manipulation. And you might say, oh, you know what, I do trust you. And they calm down. But then you turn around and say, but I don't know if I can still trust you. And then now they use a different tactic. They start getting defensive, angry, start raging at you. That's a sign, okay. Then you might turn around and go oh, you know what? I think you're right, you know, maybe I should really trust you. And then you watch and you pause and you see what do they do? And then they calm down and then you say, oh, but I just don't know. It just keeps coming up for me. And then they use a different tactic, which is like guilt tripping you that time you did this and you're not good enough. And they start blaming you and shaming you and making out that you're a terrible person for some reason. So now they're using a different tactic. That is your sign. That is.

Speaker 1: 11:20

This technique is so incredible. It helps people spot manipulation in any scenario, in any relationship. And I had a client whose boss kept saying I'm going to promote you, I'm going to promote you, just be patient, I'll talk to the people higher up, you know, I'll promote you. And he never followed through. So I said, look, test him. So she says, oh, that's great, I'm actually meeting with that other manager next week. I'll mention it to them as well. And boom, his whole demeanor changed Suddenly. He was defensive, making excuses, backtranging. And that's when she saw she was never getting that promotion, she was just being strung along and you can see the truth in that point. This is so key, yeah, so how do we break free and start healing?

Speaker 1: 12:18

This is the hardest part. Once you recognize manipulation, you have to take your power back right, because ultimately, what they're doing is they're trying to control you. But you have the power. I really want you to get this. You have the power. They want to manipulate you. They want you to do something different. What does that mean? It means you have it already and they're trying to manipulate. You have the power.

Speaker 1: 12:47

And it's really about healing our relationship with power. It's about setting boundaries, even if it feels uncomfortable, trusting your emotions instead of waiting for truth, because your brain is going to be easy to manipulate, because once emotions are in play, your emotions shut down the critical thinking part of your brain, so you can't think straight anyway, to be honest. And if you're overthinking, you're in rumination, which is a totally different thing. And if you're overthinking, you're in rumination, which is a totally different thing, which is like you're going round and round and round and round in circles trying to understand something, but you're not connected to your emotions and maybe your gut instinct as well. So the important part is really healing to feel again, to feel how you feel, to get into becoming self-aware. Healing the parts of you that were vulnerable to manipulation in the first place is so important with compassion, with love, with understanding, not giving yourself a hard time because you allowed someone to manipulate you.

Speaker 1: 14:00

Look, the truth of the matter is no one's taught us how to avoid manipulation. There's nothing in schools to help children understand how not to be manipulated. The only thing that we've ever been taught is we should tell the truth, but no one's actually given us the skill set to actually be able to see and test and be aware of toxic individuals, as from school, we've not been shown that actually some people there are people that are psychopaths and they don't care. They don't have that ability to feel guilt and shame and their nervous system is totally different as well. So we're not taught that there's all these different types of people. We're just taught you shouldn't lie or you shouldn't do this or you shouldn't do that, but we're not told. Okay, but actually there's different types of people and this is what these type of groups of people. You can protect yourself from, these people controlling and manipulating you to do things through your emotions, and the way to do it is to stay connected to your emotions. So the truth is, no one's taught you. So it's okay that maybe you were manipulated, you were vulnerable to manipulation in the first place, but the reality here is we can heal. So we don't repeat these situations and you can break free, and the one way to do it is through your feelings, through becoming aware of how you feel and observing other people and testing and observing.

Speaker 1: 15:44

Now there is a caveat to this whole podcast. If you feel unsafe in a toxic relationship and someone is prone to causing violence, you are not going to be testing that person. It's not safe to test the person. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe. That's a priority always, and if you don't feel safe, the answer is in that, the fact that you don't feel safe. Well, you need to create safety for yourself. You deserve that. Your nervous system needs that. You can't function in life if you don't feel safe. Your brain is not being used fully, it's just focusing on keeping you safe. You're in survival mode. So the first and most important step for you would be if I don't feel safe to practice this, then that means I'm aware that I don't feel safe and it's not a good space, it's not a great relationship for me to be in. So let me start healing so I can create safety in my life. If you are safe and you practice this, then you can start seeing who is manipulating me and start practicing with people that you feel safe to do so. And the more you practice this, the better you get at it.

Speaker 1: 17:02

The key here is you've got to feel your feelings. You've got to be aware of how other people make you feel and the control they have of over your feelings. That's key here. If someone's got control over how you feel, then you know they have the ability to manipulate you, because if they can control how you feel, you can do things that you wouldn't normally do. Now, the most important thing is, if you feel emotional, don't do anything. Sometimes, I'll be honest, when you're being manipulated, you can feel like, oh my gosh, I've got to do this right now. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and your brain will go 10 to the dozen. I've got to react now. I've got to do it now, now, now, now. No, you don't.

Speaker 1: 17:48

If you're feeling emotional, if you feel fear, if you feel this desperate urge and your brain isn't functioning properly, you have shut down the critical thinking part of the brain. Do nothing, because what you're going to do is not going to be. You might regret it, because it's something that you're not able to think through. Your critical part of the brain, your critical thinking part of the brain isn't working. Do you really want to do something where you're not able to think properly? Where you're not, it doesn't make sense to do it. So don't do anything. Take some time, even though you feel this desperate urge to do something. Just sleep on it. Go for a walk, go for a run, do something else, do some trauma healing and when you're calm then respond. That is so important.

Speaker 1: 18:42

If today's episode resonated with you and you're tired of feeling powerless when actually you have the power and you're ready to finally break free of toxic relationship patterns, I will invite you. I'd like to invite you to the next step. I have a number of one-to-one sessions for listeners of this podcast. They are private, they're customer sessions where we'll unpack what is it that you're dealing with and we'll look at what is it that you need to move forward. It is for people that are looking for therapy moving forward, but they know that they want trauma therapy so they can connect back to their feelings again, to learning how to use their feelings to protect themselves. Spots are limited, so if you're ready to heal and you want to make the most of your life moving forward, please have a look in the description and you can see the link to apply for those sessions.

Speaker 1: 19:41

You don't have to do this alone and you don't have to wait for things to get better, because the truth of the matter is trauma needs healing. It doesn't just go away, and the first step to healing is knowing you're worthy of healing, that you're worth living your life without trauma, and it's taking the action to do that. Thank you so much for listening. If you've loved this episode, be sure to leave a review or share it with someone that really needs this, because healing starts with awareness and awareness starts here. Remember, no matter what, the most important thing you can do is have compassion, understanding and love for yourself. Most people won't understand, and the most important person that needs to have that love, understanding and compassion is you for yourself, and compassion is you for yourself and really see yourself and hear yourself and witness yourself of what you've been through. You don't need the validation from anyone else. You need you to love you. So sending you so much love Until next time.