Toxic Relationships: Why Leaving a Narcissist Feels Impossible (And How to Finally Break Free) 🌟

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🚨 Why does leaving a narcissist feel IMPOSSIBLE? Because your brain has been hijacked. 🧠💥

In this eye-opening episode, Dr. Amen Kaur reveals the hidden psychological traps that keep you stuck, confused, and emotionally addicted to toxic relationships. You’ll uncover:
✅ The science of trauma bonding—why your brain is wired to crave the narcissist
✅ How narcissists manipulate your emotions and hijack your nervous system
✅ Why No Contact is the ONLY way to break free (and how to make it stick)
✅ The truth about Hoovering, Flying Monkeys & Post-Breakup Mind Games
✅ How to rewire your brain, detox from emotional abuse & reclaim your power

💡 You are NOT crazy. You are NOT weak. You are trapped in a psychological cycle—until you break it.

This episode is your survival guide. It’s time to wake up, take control, and finally escape for GOOD.

🎧 Listen now & start your healing journey today!

👉 Tag a friend who needs this. Share this episode. You never know who’s silently struggling. 💔✨

Chapters

• 0:00 Breaking Free From a Narcissist
• 10:49 Healing and Rediscovering Yourself
• 18:33 Gratitude and Self-Transformation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Leaving any relationship is difficult, but leaving a narcissistic relationship it feels impossible sometimes. Today we're talking about why leaving a narcissist is so hard and how they manipulate you into staying, what to expect once you do leave and, most importantly, how to break free once and for all. And let me tell you right now if you don't prepare, they will pull you back in and they have no intention of letting you go easily. It is a psychological warfare, really, and an emotional warfare. By the end of this episode, you'll have a game plan. You'll understand exactly what's happening to your brain, to your emotions and to your body, and how to outsmart the manipulation before you actually decide to go. And if you're thinking about leaving or you've already left and you feel yourself getting sucked back in, this is the episode for you and your survival. Sucked back in, this is the episode for you and your survival.

Speaker 1: 1:08

My name is Dr Eamon Core and, like yourself, I too have been in this scenario as well. Why is it so hard then? Why is it so hard leaving a narcissist when a normal relationship ends? There is sadness, and actually we know through science now it's similar to trying to give up a drug. There's sadness, it's normal, it's tough, but there's some biological issues as well. But when a narcissistic relationship ends, there's confusion, there's rage, there's self-doubt. It's really a complete mess, and I would say that you have to expect that your emotions are going to be all over the show. You won't be able to think properly, you'll be so confused and you won't know why you're doing what you're doing. Sometimes it doesn't make sense. By the time you've left, you have to understand you're already emotionally exhausted and you have to also try and understand that you have trauma, emotional overwhelm, or you have more trauma in a certain part of the brain, which is the amygdala, and also you've tried for months, maybe years, your whole life, to try and fix them, to try and help them, and you're convinced they'll change for the next person. And that thought alone keeps you stuck. It's like maybe they'll somehow get it, because I've invested so much into this person that the next person that comes along is going to get all the good stuff. And the truth is they do move on fast, sometimes even before you leave, and, yes, they'll post it all over social media just to mess with your head as well, as if, yes, you infested so much and they get the best of it and, worst of all, they don't let go easily. They'll have you hanging. They'll have you there as a backup plan.

Speaker 1: 3:11

You've got to imagine that feeling of, say, if you've been sitting by a slot machine and you've been putting in all your money, everything for years, for months, investing, investing your time, your energy, your money, your thoughts, everything, your whole energy going into this slot machine and you keep going and every now and again you get a little something. And you're sitting there and you're waiting and it's so hard to leave Because you're thinking if I get up and leave now, someone else is going to get all that money back. I have to keep going. I have to keep going and that is what it's like. It's like that whole feeling of maybe. You're self-doubting, like maybe if I just stay a bit longer. Also, your brain is working against you. The trauma bond and your nervous system is hijacked as well. It is not just about making a decision and then moving on, or it's not just about making a decision and then moving on. Or it's not just about your emotions about do I love them? And then moving on. A lot of the time you don't. You're not actually in love with that person, you're in love with how they make you forget the pain that you have to face because of them. Let me just say that again You're in love with them because they let you feel better, because then you don't have to face the pain of what they put you through. It's not just all that emotion, it's also neurological, on top of everything, and your brain keeps pulling you back.

Speaker 1: 4:44

You see your amygdala, and we can call her Amy for short. She carries all the fear, all the emotions, and she's carrying all this overload. When a toxic individual or a narcissist deals with their emotions, what they do is imagine they've got all these emotions and imagine it like they've got a whole bag full of emotions and they pick up another bag, and then they pick up another bag. When they get overloaded, they chuck all those bags over onto you. So your amygdala is carrying because they have no way of regulating their emotions. That's why they do that. So if they feel bad and it's got nothing to do with you, they will just literally somehow blame you for something that is minor and then throw all their anger, throw all their emotions, throw all their guilt, throw all their shame onto you, and so then your carrying, or your amygdala is basically overloaded, not only from your own trauma or emotions that you've had to numb, but also a deal with all their baggage that they regularly put onto you.

Speaker 1: 6:00

So what your amygdala does, or what Amy does, is she switches to say, hey, we aren't dealing with a lot here. We're dealing with someone that keeps chucking their stuff over at me and I'm carrying a lot over here, I'm overloaded and I'm just switching on to survival mode. Bang, you're on survival mode because she has to get you into survival mode, because you're carrying too much. As she switches on survival mode, your critical thinking gets turned off, because what we're doing is we're reserving all our energies just to survive, just to carry the load. So we turn off our critical thinking and then the trauma keeps you emotionally reactive and numb.

Speaker 1: 6:45

Okay, so there's two things going on. So there's another part of the brain that switches on to create some numbness. So a lot of people just don't feel alive anymore, and that's the reason why. So what happens is you get addicted, then, to the good moments. It's understandable, isn't it? It's like, after everything you're dealing with, so like, hopefully you're understanding, and the amygdala is carrying all these bags of emotions and it's just more and more is throwing off. You've turned onto survival mode, so it's normal for your brain to go okay, I'm just gonna wait for the next good moment. So you're there, you're in the slot machine, you keep going hoping for a jackpot and you're just getting just tiny bits. It helps a huge amount just when they're nice for a second.

Speaker 1: 7:34

But your gut knows the truth, because your gut has neurons. It's your second brain, but you have to switch off to it. You have to switch off to what you're feeling so that you can just get through another day. So if your gut or your chest or your neck tightens around them's your answer. Your body is literally reacting to them, and it could be that you get a reaction as well. So I remember when, in hindsight, when things started going wrong, my body started to react, and where my the marriage wedding rings were, I literally got a rash, and so, even though I didn't logically know what was going on at that time, my body was reacting. So just start paying attention to what your body's doing as well. It could be that your body's trying to speak to you.

Speaker 1: 8:31

The other thing is, unfortunately and this is really really tough is the no contact rule. The only way out is by trying to go no contact and it is like going cold turkey. Now there is a caveat here If you do see them, if you do find that, you do go back. I really want to take away any guilt and shame around this. Please do not start judging yourself, thinking that you're a bad person, start guilt tripping yourself, telling yourself that you're a bad person, because it is understandable that you might want to check what they're doing on social media. It's understandable because you're addicted to and you're worried that somebody else is going to get all the good stuff, the jackpot. So you're checking all the time.

Speaker 1: 9:25

But for your own peace of mind, for your own brain, you've got to try go no contact, because what that does is it takes, it gives you some space to actually heal, because if they're still around, you're getting triggered, the emotions get triggered, the amygdala doesn't get any time to actually heal and get back into thrive mode. So you're still carrying all the baggage as well, the emotional baggage. This is key. Okay, if you're carrying all this baggage and someone comes along and says, hey, let me give you a bit of relief, I've changed and I'm going to be a decent person, you're able to just get a bit of relief for that moment. So it's really understandable that you will do anything to get that relief. But the truth of the matter is they will hoover you. They will give you that feeling of relief like it's going to be okay. They're going to give you that moment of where you feel like, oh, it was all worth it in the end. I can let go of all this baggage. I'm getting the jackpot. Now I'll say things like I will miss you worth it in the end. I can let go of all this baggage. I'm getting the jackpot. Now. I'll say things like I will miss you. I'll do anything, I will do all the therapy. I didn't realize how good I had it with you. I messed up. Let's try again. I promise I've changed. I will do this. I will do that.

Speaker 1: 10:49

They will immediately replace you as well. Sometimes they have someone in the wings. If you're not important, they won't replace you, but they'll have something else that they're more interested in, like gambling. There's something else that is more important to them. They'll go with that. They will have their flying monkeys, start attacking you. They'll turn your own friends and family against you. So not only carrying all this other baggage of what they've done, then they will get other people to start telling you you are bad, so you'll have more baggage to carry and then the legal battles can get nasty as well. They don't really want the children, they just want to punish you and they will do whatever it takes to avoid actually fulfilling their responsibility financial or emotional or psychological support that they have to give. So if you give them anything, they will take your whole arm and soul and everything. So ideally I know it's really hard no contact is the best way to go. However, if you find it really really difficult or you're not able to do that, try and limit as much as you can with them and try and know that they are going to hoover you back.

Speaker 1: 12:05

The truth is, you really didn't exist to them. I know it's really really painful, but you really need to hear this. You never really existed to them, not as a real person with your real needs. They don't see you as a human being. They see you as a resource for something and in your own life it could have been resource for money, status or attention of some sort and that's why they can replace you like an appliance or a cooker or an object. Expecting them to suddenly care is like expecting a shark to become a vegan overnight. Like expecting a shark to become a vegan overnight. It's not going to happen, unfortunately, because they don't have the capacity to create empathy. Closure is a trap. The only closure you need is knowing they were never who they pretended to be. They don't have the ability to understand you or understand what you need. That's the truth, unfortunately. And if they did understand what you needed, then they would have been there for you emotionally, psychologically, and they wouldn't put you in a position where you feel afraid for yourself in some way, where you feel like you're not good enough.

Speaker 1: 13:40

Breaking the trauma bond is so important to finally heal. It's not about just leaving. It's really, really important that you understand this. It's also about rewiring your brain. It's about helping you really get your brain back. First step is accepting that the good version of them was an illusion. It was just a role play, a role play. Step two is grieving that the relationship was fake, and you have to grieve the relationship like a death. It wasn't real and it's so upsetting. And that is you letting go some of the bags that Amy's carrying, the amygdala's carrying, and then you have to detox your mind, block, mute, delete. Do the therapy, do the trauma therapy to really help release all those bags, step by step by step, so that you can switch the critical thinking part of your brain back on. So Amy says, yeah, yeah, we've let go of enough bags. We can switch on your critical thinking now and you can feel alive again, feel like your spirit is there again and you can viscerally feel everything that's happening in your brain.

Speaker 1: 15:07

When you're healing, things start happening, your life starts changing. And then step four is rebuild your identity. You're never going to be who you were before them, but you will feel alive again like you did before them. And the beautiful thing about this is you will up level to another level where you'll have more compassion, more love, more understanding towards yourself than you ever did before them. Because in order to heal what Amy's carrying, you have to look at it and be compassionate towards yourself and say look at it and be compassionate towards yourself and say, hey, amy, let that go and give yourself love so that you can process those types of emotions. And step five is really protecting yourself by connecting to your gut brain, your heart brain and your head brain. So you see the red flags and you never ignore them again because you matter.

Speaker 1: 16:12

Healing isn't about getting over them. It's about rediscovering you. That's what healing really is over the toxic individual. It's not about learning more and more and more about narcissism and learning more and more and more about them, and and learning more and more and more about them and discovering what a narcissist is. It's about rediscovering you. That's what healing is. This is your wake-up call. You don't need the validation, you don't need the closure, you don't need to keep waiting for them to change at all. You are the person that has all the gold within them, the beauty oh. You're just amazing. And that is what you need to validate within yourself. It's that level of compassion and love for yourself where you think I'm worth switching and healing my brain as much as I can Look. If this is something you want to do, you want the rest of your 2025, you want to step into your power, really be yourself and feel alive again and help your brain reset, then please do book in a one-to-one session with me. I do have a Heal to Thrive program, which is incredible. People are changing. I love it so much helping people. Please do book in a one-to-one and we can talk through what it is that you need.

Speaker 1: 17:38

Also, I just want to say I was reading some of the testimonials the other day from this podcast. I'm so grateful. For some of you that might not know, I too have been through a toxic relationship and I remember right at the beginning I didn't know if I would really make a difference. But I thought, even if I help one person and there's only one person listening, that's all great, because even if we do just ease the pain for one more person, it makes a huge difference. And when I'm struggling with all and juggling and like many of you are probably doing, I just think I just want to make a difference to even one person, because it will make it. It will make it worth it Everything.

Speaker 1: 18:33

Let me tell you a secret Every day I write down and it's just one sentence I'm so grateful that I'm helping heal people. I'm going to be honest I was a very different person 20 years ago. I don't think I'd be writing that sentence. I would have probably been more interested in maybe becoming a millionaire or something, but now it's a different goal. I actually think I've become a better person. I just want you to know you mean so much to me. Thank you so much and sending you so much love till next time.