Toxic Relationships: They Made You Take Everything Personally – So You’d Stay Small

Resources: https://linktr.ee/dramenkaur

Do you constantly replay conversations in your mind, analyzing every word someone said?

That feeling of overthinking isn't because you're “too sensitive” — it's because your brain is wired to take things personally, especially if you’re empathic or have experienced trauma.

Taking things personally is a survival response, not a character flaw. When we grow up in environments where we’re discouraged from expressing our authentic selves, we develop subconscious patterns rooted in insecurity and self-doubt. Instead of owning our truth, we focus on fitting in.

In this episode, we unpack the 3 core steps to breaking this pattern:

1. Question your subconscious stories – rewire the limiting beliefs running on autopilot.
2. Set emotional boundaries – not everything others say is yours to carry.
3. Rebuild genuine self-worth – your value isn't up for debate. You are enough because you exist.

We’ll also explore how thriving souls — spiritually, emotionally, and financially — aren’t numb. They’ve just mastered the art of non-reactivity by staying grounded in who they are.

This episode is a powerful invitation back to your authentic self — where your peace, presence, and power live.

💬 What story do you tell yourself when you take things personally?
Let’s shift that together.
✨ Subscribe, share, and leave a review if this resonates.

Chapters

• 0:00 Why We Take Things Personally
• 2:34 Personal Journey of Self-Discovery
• 4:40 Understanding Your Subconscious Mind
• 8:37 Setting Boundaries: What's Yours to Carry
• 11:51 Building Self-Worth and Inner Security
• 15:03 Staying Grounded in Your Truth

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

if you ever find yourself overthinking every single little comment that's ever been made by somebody and you're walking away and then you're going over the interaction that you had with someone, I want you to really listen up. You're not too, too sensitive. You're not crazy. You're probably empathic and there's a real, very real reason why your brain is actually wired to take things personally. Once you understand it, you can reclaim your peace, your power and your presence. And this is really important because when we've been in situations where there has been trauma maybe you've been in a toxic relationship, maybe you've been in an environment where you have been told that you're not good enough in some way, then we are more prone to feeling that I'm more sensitive to what other people said, but we're actually wired up to look at the negative rather than the positive. So let's really look at why I want to be really real with you today. I haven't done this for the algorithm. I've made it for me.

Speaker 1: 1:17

I grew up in a culture where being assertive or stepping into your power was never allowed, and I'm really exploring what this is. What is healing your relationship with power about? It was considered rude to have your own thinking, your own mind, and maybe even offensive, to not stay in your place as a woman, certain things that you were meant to do as a girl, as a woman, and they were boundaries that were set for me. And those boundaries that were set I set within myself for survival, and that's what we do. We're all really clever if we learn from a young age that if you're going to get accused of being bad or too talkative or someone that's too strong, too bold or has their own thinking, then you're going to be seen as negative, like you're not innocent in some way. So let's fast forward to my early 20s.

Speaker 1: 2:18

I started thinking for myself and I didn't want to have an arranged marriage. I was thinking what is wrong with me? Why can't I just do it? I didn't feel like I was strong enough to be able to have an arranged marriage, to be with someone that I didn't really even know, and what I realised was I started even though I was worried about what other people were thinking about me. I had this strong inner guidance system that just wouldn't let me do things that weren't authentically right.

Speaker 1: 2:51

And here's when I had a real teaching moment. I remember I was sitting down on the train and I was really umming and ahhing. Should I have this arranged marriage to somebody I don't really even know properly, and what should I do? And I was on the tube in London and I remember thinking in my mind, if there is a God, god tell me, should I get married or not? And in that instant someone that was really drunk, maybe homeless kind of looking, sat down next to me and started speaking really drunk, maybe homeless kind of looking, sat down next to me and started speaking really loudly don't ever get married, don't ever get married. In this drunk voice. And I was thinking to myself wow, that was so quick as an answer and I had enough understanding to know that that was the universe at that age even though I hadn't done half the work that I've been doing now that I knew that this is a sign this is coming from the universe, that actually I shouldn't move forward with this and I should take heed of it.

Speaker 1: 4:04

But at that age as well, I was so vulnerable to taking things personally. I really cared about what people thought of me, especially in your 20s. You think you have to be a certain way, you have to look cool in those days and you want to try and fit in with other people. It was really a lot of pressure. You want to look right, you want to be right, you want to succeed in certain ways, and I took things personally. And taking things personally isn't about emotional intelligence, because I had the empathy, and it's not about boundaries either. It's really about survival. It's a survival habit where, if you've grown up in an environment or you've been in an environment where there was elements of you having to be in a certain way and let's be honest here, all of us have had to try and fit in at some point or another unless you've been brought up in an environment where you've been openly told you don't have to be like everybody else. You want to be unique, you want to know what your unique skills are, you need to be yourself. We have a survival habit that keeps us in a loop of drama, insecurity, disempowerment, because we're trying to be like everybody else, we're trying to fit in, and that trying to fit in actually is disempowering. It's actually making our relationship with power skewed. We have to question Now. Questioning is so incredible.

Speaker 1: 5:43

Questioning is the way that we can get to our subconscious mind. We all have a conscious mind. My conscious mind is thinking and we're talking and I've got an idea of what I want to say to you. So that's my conscious mind. But then there's also the subconscious mind that normally takes over most of our life. When we're learning a skill, we're consciously having to think about it. We're consciously learning how to drive, or we're consciously doing something, but then we get to a point where we are doing some of those movements subconsciously. We rely 95% of the time on our subconscious mind. We're going through life basically repeating things that we've already learned, done it over and over again, and it's a habit. We have so many habits. So what we want to do is actually question our subconscious, question the habits that we've created, question the stories that we've been telling ourselves about ourselves.

Speaker 1: 6:44

Like I'm not good enough as I am, as I truly am. 90% of emotional pain comes from not what was said, but the meaning that we assigned to it. For instance, it's the meaning of not being picked up and cuddled when I was younger. Maybe I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy of being loved, and then I've carried that around with me, that assumption that I'm not good enough to be loved. And then we need to question those boundaries and question those assumptions through questioning our subconscious mind. Now, questions are the key. So say if I'm not good enough. You could ask yourself the question I wonder why I am so good, I'm so good at doing things, am so good, I'm so good at doing things, I'm good enough to do everything. How is it that I'm good at doing this? So think about something that you really want in your life right now. It could be that you want more money. It could be that you want to create that business. Instead of thinking or allowing your subconscious to drive you into sabotaging yourself or thinking that that person has said something negative, and really focusing on what they've said, ask a question how is it that I'm so good at creating ideas, million pound ideas? How is it that I am a money magnet? Why is it I am a money magnet? Why is it I am a money magnet? Because you might have some resistance to it. So one way of getting or using affirmations is asking it in a question. You're stopping the subconscious mind resisting and fighting you internally. So we're taking that fight out.

Speaker 1: 8:47

The second thing we need to know is boundaries. We need to know what is ours to carry. Other people's triggers are not your truth. So, for instance, there's always going to be some comment that you're going to get. If you put yourself out there and you create a YouTube video or you create a podcast, somebody might come up and give you some feedback. That is something like it really hurt me when you mentioned this, but the truth of the matter is it's their trigger. They might be a bit more aggressive about it, like, wow, you look so silly with those round glasses, who are you? Harry Potter, or something like that. Now I could take that on me and think, oh my gosh, I need to get rid of this. I'll never do another video again. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 9:40

And one of the things that sometimes can tell us of what it is that we should do is when we actually get some feedback from someone. That is toxic, that is negative, because someone that is trying to hold you back from actually knowing your own value will be more aggressive when you're doing something that exposes your value. For instance, when I first did my first TikTok, I got a message from my ex teasing me and telling me I looked not very good, and that in a very aggressive and mean way, and I remember I could have taken it personally, but it made me realize, wow, if he wants me not to do this, this is probably something that I should do, because he wouldn't be trying to stop me from doing something where my value is. So you have to notice that sometimes it's the other person's issue that they're putting on you and it's not your truth. So it's not about you. You can release it. You can actually say it's not about me. They're getting triggered and I don't control others. I only have responsibility to myself and I'm going to be responsible for me. They want to stop me, they want to have power over me on what I should and shouldn't do, but I want to empower myself. So have the power within me to do what it is that I want to express. If it is about you, then receive it and have humility and think how can I improve, how can I make myself better? But if it's not about you, then you can let it go.

Speaker 1: 11:34

So the first thing is we've got to question the story, so we question the subconscious. The second thing is looking at the boundaries. Is it me, is it mine to carry? Just question that. The third area is self-worth. We need to build inner security. Taking things personally is a symptom of low self-worth. So instead of defending yourself and going over it in your own mind, maybe ruminating, maybe arguing, defending yourself, just start looking at okay, what kind of person am I committed to being moving forward?

Speaker 1: 12:17

My worth is not up for debate. Because you exist, you are worthy. It's that simple. If you are alive, you are worthy of expressing who you are. Because if you're not alive, because the universe is incredible God, the creator, the universe, whatever it is that you believe in, is absolutely incredible. So, if you are alive, you are worthy. Full stop, period. That is it. There's no questioning that. And so then you have to say okay, what my value, my worth, is something that I want to explore. What is it that I'm meant to put out into the world, something that I want to explore? What is it that I'm meant to put out into the world? And I am going to put that out into the world. And if someone gives me feedback, my worth isn't up for debate. I'm not taking that.

Speaker 1: 13:19

And start doing things that actually help you heal your self-worth. Do the trauma healing, do the work that will help you heal. Now, if it is something that you want to do, if you want to actually heal your self-worth, do the trauma healing, do the work that will help you heal. Now, if it is something that you want to do, if you want to actually heal your self-worth so that you get that identity shift, then book in a one-to-one session with me. Some people have been asking me how to do that. What you can do is you can look into my link tree. You can find my link tree in the description and then click on that and you can book in a one-to-one session with me.

Speaker 1: 13:48

Now the people who thrive spiritually, emotionally, financially are the ones that have mastered the art of non-reactivity, not because they're numb, but because they're deeply rooted in understanding that everything is energy. They have, like this mastery around understanding energy. You don't have to defend yourself, you just need to know who you are, what you're about, and one of the things that we need to do is explore who am I and what is my value and what am I here to express. When we're really busy doing, doing, doing, trying, trying, trying, trying to prove ourself, we're coming from a space of I'm not worthy. But when you know who you are and you're steeped in your self-worth, you can come from a space of I'm worth being here. I know who I am, and I know it's okay for me to be here in my presence.

Speaker 1: 15:03

A lot of the time when we're taking things personally, we're not actually in our presence. We're not really grounded into our body, and that's because our brain has actually switched off our ability to feel being present in the now. What I would say to you is take the time to look at when you last took something personally. What was the story that you told yourself? So you'll go into your head and you start telling yourself stories, so you're not grounded in your truth, and what's the truth that you're claiming now?

Speaker 1: 15:41

One of the ways that you can stay grounded is to really look at your nervous system. How do I stay rooted? How do I stay in my nervous system? Learn how to stay calm within your own body, like to breathe, to feel whole, to take some time to actually feel. How do I feel right now and not make it wrong. This is the most important thing that you can take away from this.

Speaker 1: 16:10

If you feel something, just don't make it wrong. Know that I'm okay as I am. That's the first thing that I want you to say to yourself. Even though I feel this way, I'm okay as I am. It's okay for me to feel this way. It's okay for me to have taken this personally. Don't make it wrong.

Speaker 1: 16:37

Know that wherever you are is the right place. It's going to take you to the right path of getting to where you need to get to. All roads lead us back to God, the creator, to the universe, to knowing who you are, and the power that is within you, wherever you are, is taking you to that. It might be that you need to experience something that is painful for you to realize that you are powerful. You are the creator and it's going to take you back to where you need to be, to be. If this helped you in any way, please do subscribe, like, share and leave a review. Know that you are worthy and please comment below. What story do you tell yourself when you take something personally? Let's share and tell yourself that from now on, you're going to question that story, Sending you so much love Till next time.